Every Day is a Blessing

Friday, May 30, 2008

I couldn't wait to grow up. My teenage years were very difficult and I thought I was ready to be out on my own, taking care of myself and living my dreams. When I was 18, I moved out of my parents' house and into an apartment with my boyfriend. I was in my own place, with a man I thought was "the one." I was working a full time job just to pay the rent, but I was just glad to be independent.

About a month later I started feeling sick. I was tired all the time, had no appetite, and would get sick whenever I did try to eat. I day after Christmas, I found the cause- I was pregnant. I was terrified of all that this meant. How could this happen to me? I am too young! What would my family say? What would happen to me? How would my life change? I told my boyfriend, who was 6 years older than me, and hoped that my news would be met with understanding or encouragement. Instead, the only word I heard from him was ABORTION. I had a decision to make.

Every day I was told how this was "not good timing" or "you can't handle taking care of someone else right now." I grappled with this day in and day out. Could I somehow go back to the life I had? Did I even want to? I didn't personally know God at the time, but somehow I could hear Him speaking. I didn't know where my life would take me or how I would make it through, but I knew I was being offered a gift- I just had to decide whether I wanted to take it or not.

Things got even more difficult as time went by, and by the time I was 6 months pregnant, I was alone. With no way to afford an apartment on my own, I desperately tried to find a place to live. I moved into a small room (used for storage) at a relative's home. Within a few months I moved again- into a small office room at my grandmother's house that was cleared out to fit my bed and a crib. This was only 2 weeks before my due date, but at least I had a roof over my head.

My son did not come into this world easily. With my mother in the delivery room, she was told that she may need to choose between myself or the baby as the doctors did not feel that they could save us both. To this day our doctors do not know how we both survived- it is simply a miracle that she did not have to make that decision.

I raised my son in that small office room for 1 1/2 years until I was able to find an affordable apartment. Every month would go by and I would panic about where the next rent check would come from or how I would manage to buy groceries that week.

At one point, not too long after we had moved into our own place, I felt that my son would be better off without me. That I, as a single mother, could not provide the life he deserved. At that dark moment in my life is when I finally met God personally. He had been there all along but I hadn't seen it. And now I see a part of Him every day when I look at my beautiful child.

I look back on the last 6 1/2 years and I do not have a logical explanation for how we have come this far. And I cannot say that I know where things will go. What I do know is that my son fought to come into this world and he has changed my life since the moment he arrived. He has taught me things that I may never have learned on my own. I have learned what it means to love unconditionally. I learned humility and forgiveness from a 4 year old who always knew when to say "I'm sorry." I have learned that a kiss can cure almost any "boo-boo." Thinking back on all that we have gone through, I can still say for sure that I will never regret the decision I made 6 1/2 years ago to accept the gift I was offered.

- Jessika, Age 24

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